Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
