I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
