my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
