I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
