a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
