this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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