sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
