I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
