R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
