so let's talk penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
