So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
