guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
In America we eat man semen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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