I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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