He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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