I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
