Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
