I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
