I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
