I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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