p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
