Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
