I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
