i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
