Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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