8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
