you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
