The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Randomize
