We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
