i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
