Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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