PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
