My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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