There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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