i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just google imaged poop.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
