is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize