I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
