We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
