He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
