Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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