it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
