Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
