Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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