Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
