apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You dont lie about slip and slides
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
