Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize