you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
