Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
