two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
