I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
