i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
