I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found the puke drawer
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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