I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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