Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
