Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
