there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
