i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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