hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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