man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
