when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
