so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
