I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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