I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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