It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
