its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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