do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
