New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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