i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
