Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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